That doesn't seem to be working, but it's ok!

No, no it doesn't.

Diagnosis: now possibly changing from Bipolar Disorder, Type II, to Major Depressive Disorder and Generalized Anxiety Disorder.

Meds:

• Pristiq, 100 mg, AM
• Latuda, 20 mg, with dinner (building up to 40 mg)
• Xanax, 1 mg, PM
• Vitamin B12 AM (I'm deficient)
• Vitamin D AM (I'm deficient)

The Session:

I went back to my psychiatrist today (who I like) and we decided to extend my FMLA by two weeks as well as adjust my medicine. I also found out I cannot adjunct while on FMLA. I'm trying really hard to not let this impact my self-esteem. Also, found ouf that the Latuda will most likely cause nausea, sooooo you know I'm looking forward to that, because you know I'm going to get that side effect :-P

Um. I'm just kind of here lately.  In need of a lot of encouragement I guess. Clearly my meds are off or I wouldn't feel like that. I feel like I can recognize that this is a tough time, but I'm ready to be looking back on it when it was a tough time and I can say "Wow, I'm so glad I'm done with that!"

Hopefully my counseling appointment tomorrow morning will help me put this into perspective.

Until then, I'm trying to branch out more and hopefully help or connect with others as well. This is REALLY branching out for me. :)

It's ok...

• To take a nap when I don't have to go to work.
• That my arms and shoulders are actually sore from how much I have crocheted!
• To be planning a dinner that I know will probably come back up (lovely side effects)
• To look for reasons to wear real pants every day
• To be excited to take off those real pants and put stretchy pants back on
• To have bought a pill case for all of my pills but feel old about it
• To think there should be a "kitten of the month" club
• To be overexcited that I made a pitcher of lattes for ice vanilla latte in the morning. Cheaper and better for me than Starbucks.
• To really love breakfast for dinner!

We'll reschedule

Depression level: 2
Anxiety level: 5

The Session:
There actually was no session. I had to reschedule a counseling appointment because I had it down for 9 and she had it down for 8. Fortunately, she's awesome and has grace for me and we just rescheduled. However, I did get to see my physician for what was indeed a sinus infection and start an antibiotic. I'm still really unsure of what otc meds I can and cannot take, so I'd rather just  go to the doctor than wind up really screwing myself up.

This also means that I have been getting very little sleep due in part to the sinus infection, and in part due to the Abilify. You may have noticied it's no longer on my list.  I felt so jittery all the time and I HATE not sleeping. HATE. So I stopped taking it. I probably didn't go about it the right way as I told the medical assistant at my psychiatrist's office that I wasn't going to take it rather than ask or consult, but I didn't get any immediate "no you can't do that" feedback. Not to mention I was on the lowest dose possible.

However, there have been some really positive things also going on. I've made a conscious effort to do something creative every single day, and it has really helped. Also, I'm getting to record with the band I'm in (insert shameless plug here), So Rejoice, and it has been such a healing outlet.

Finally, the scriptures I've been reading have really been speaking to me.

• Psalm 37:4-6, which talks about the desires of the heart, radiating innocence, and shining the justice of my cause, has really helped to think about my heart and to not be afraid of what others are thinking about me and my decisions, but really just to do the best I can with the heart God has given me. 
• Psalm 140:12, talking about the Lord helping those who are persecuted and giving justice to the poor really just emphasizing the above.

I've been so scared what people at work will think about me taking FMLA that I haven't been able to use it to its full potential. Instead of worrying that they'll think less of me, I need to focus on what God is doing with me.

Is there anything else going on?

I'm sick. Not mentally ill, well, yes mentally ill, but this time it's a sinus infection. Which brings me to my main point: everything is more complicated with mental illness. I can't just take Dayquil/Nyquil sinus and get over myself. Trust me, I wish I could. However, I don't know how the ingredients in those kinds of medicines are going to interact with my prescriptions. They also contain some ingredients that don't play well with my moods to begin with. Therefore, that means another doctor visit, another copay, another prescription, all so I can breathe and sleep through the night. I'll do another update later after I see what she gives me. Can you tell I'm cranky today?

We'll continue this topic later.

Consult With Me

DepressedandAnxiousAboutIt@gmail.com

@PatientL_DaAAI

How have you been sleeping lately?

Diagnosis: Bipolar Disorder, Type II

Today's medications:

• Pristiq, 100 mg, AM
• Abilify, 5 mg, AM
• Alprazolam, .5 mg, PM
• Lithium Carbonate, 150 mg, PM (tapering off)
• Chloraseptic spray, like there is no tomorrow
• Frova (antimigraine. I can just feel one coming on)

Current depression: 4. I think the anxiety is making me frustrated and therefore depressed.

Current anxiety: 9

The session:

It's five AM. I've been up since at least three AM and have been strongly encouraged to never take Advil PM, Tylenol PM, or any OTC PM drug. This goes for you too, ya'll. Don't destroy your neurons, and mine have certainly had all they can take. When I don't sleep, bad things happen, both mentally and physically. I'm usually a 9-10 hours of sleep a night kind of girl. When I get less than 8 consistently, I usually get a cold/flu/migraines and very, very grumpy.

At least I've been productive for my fall class that I have yet to prepare for. Woo! However, I'm antsy in the pantsy (no. Not that way.), and want to just sleep. I'm currently wishing my Alprazolam (Xanax) was not extended releas, because I think that might help a lot.

Things I've tried to put me to sleep:

• Reading
• Audiobooks
• Netflix
• Working on "homework" (surprised that one didn't work)
• Praying
• Petting a happy kitty
• Was going to try warm milk but we just got back in town and it's expired and that would be gross. I do have bottled frappuccino but I think that would defeat the purpose.
• Working out
• Chloriseptic spray. This is not related to the insomnia, but my throat really does hurt and I thought it might help the general purpose.