Tuesday, September 18, 2012

The Event

First of all, this has been the most difficult period of time in my entire life (if you haven't read my history, check it out here). Please give me grace as you read, considering that putting this down on "paper" is a challenge in and of itself, let alone making it quality writing.

I'm NOT trying to blame, harm, or absolve my husband, nor am I asking for any sympathy. I am simply sharing the short version of my experience in an effort to be transparent, help readers (and myself!) understand why I am the way I am, and hopefully encourage others out there who may be struggling.

My husband and I have been together 5 years before our wedding, and had been married for about a year and a half when this occurred.

On Day 1, he told me that he had sexually experimented in his past, particularly with homosexual acts with one particular, same-aged individual. However, I did not know this individual and it had occurred at least 5 years before our relationship, when he was younger and it was born of molestation from this individual. I was clearly shocked, especially considering he hadn't told me at all before we got married, but I understood how that was clearly a traumatizing time in his life, and I wanted to support him however I could.

The next night, on Day 2, he revealed that the incidences had actually continued throughout our relationship (before and after marriage) and the last one had occurred 6 months previously, while I was out of town. I immediately packed a bag, left, and called my best friend hysterically. After 6 shots of vodka and a long island ice tea, I returned to my house (dropped off) and made a surprisingly sober decision that we would work on our relationship and not let this ruin our marriage.

On Day 3, he told me that yes, in fact I did know this individual and we had attended his wedding.

These three days are such a blur. Actually, almost all the time after this has been a blur. We immediately sought counsel at our church, and have been in individual and marital therapy ever since. Currently we are still together, although sleeping in different bedrooms. I cannot express the amount of heartbreak I have gone through, as well as the extent of the rest of my emotions, which includes everything from anger to hope. We continue to work on our relationship daily, with good days and bad days. There have been no incidences, or contact between him and the individual since he told me, nor will there be in the future (he assures me).  Again, I do not write this to harm or shame my husband, nor for sympathy or judgment.