Saturday, August 18, 2012

We'll reschedule

Depression level: 2
Anxiety level: 5

The Session:
There actually was no session. I had to reschedule a counseling appointment because I had it down for 9 and she had it down for 8. Fortunately, she's awesome and has grace for me and we just rescheduled. However, I did get to see my physician for what was indeed a sinus infection and start an antibiotic. I'm still really unsure of what otc meds I can and cannot take, so I'd rather just  go to the doctor than wind up really screwing myself up.

This also means that I have been getting very little sleep due in part to the sinus infection, and in part due to the Abilify. You may have noticied it's no longer on my list.  I felt so jittery all the time and I HATE not sleeping. HATE. So I stopped taking it. I probably didn't go about it the right way as I told the medical assistant at my psychiatrist's office that I wasn't going to take it rather than ask or consult, but I didn't get any immediate "no you can't do that" feedback. Not to mention I was on the lowest dose possible.

However, there have been some really positive things also going on. I've made a conscious effort to do something creative every single day, and it has really helped. Also, I'm getting to record with the band I'm in (insert shameless plug here), So Rejoice, and it has been such a healing outlet.

Finally, the scriptures I've been reading have really been speaking to me.

  • Psalm 37:4-6, which talks about the desires of the heart, radiating innocence, and shining the justice of my cause, has really helped to think about my heart and to not be afraid of what others are thinking about me and my decisions, but really just to do the best I can with the heart God has given me. 
  • Psalm 140:12, talking about the Lord helping those who are persecuted and giving justice to the poor really just emphasizing the above.

I've been so scared what people at work will think about me taking FMLA that I haven't been able to use it to its full potential. Instead of worrying that they'll think less of me, I need to focus on what God is doing with me.

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